Sep 07 2008
Week 1 pixelation
With many government entities trying to shut down the corrupt world of online gambling it’s amazing to me that I still manage to place bets on a daily basis. I have always been into underdog stories like Over The Top, so I enjoy the fact that a shady Caribbean bookie can still take on the US government and win. One small caveat to these picks, I have been atrocious at NFL gambling over the last two years, like Denny Green in Arizona bad, so don’t necessarily follow these picks. Home team in Caps:
bengals (-2) over RAVENS
I hate taking the road favorites because home field in the NFL is (read was) important. However, last season the listless Bengals only showed the faintest sign of a heart beat in the two weeks they played these purple wannabes. If you want to get pumped for the bengals season visit here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yacGib1nPqQ
DOLPHINS (+3) over the bretts:
I know the blow hards on the NFL shows have mad this their BIG pick this week on, but those bearcats just stole the pick from me. I love home dogs and I think the Jets are not quite ready to put it together here, not to mention if Bill Parcells was judging me on a daily basis I think my productivity at work would sky rocket due to the “Oh god I don’t want Bill to yell at me until I shit my pants in front of the guys” factor. Plus, if all else fails bet against Favre.
PATRIOTS (-15.5) over CHIIEEEEEEEEFFFFFFFSSSSSSSSS
The Chiefs have a terrible team in a terrible city with terrible coaches and terrible uniforms. Well not really, just a terrible team with a terrible coach, and an average player age of about 23 years old. Tom Brady shreds these guys like I will be doing to some cheese to make a plate of Nachos for the Sunday Night Game.
houston (+7) over STEELERS
I think the Steel wins this game, but their offensive line is going to get hammered by Mario Williams and his bro’s on the D line. The Steelers offensive line is about as legit as Oprah’s Book Club, meaning I want no part of it.
jacksonville (-3) over TITANS
Jacksonville is my AFC pick for the super bowl (write it down) they have a smart quarter back, MJD, an awesome front 7, and more players on life support than any team in the NFL right now I looked up the stats. Plus I think Jeff Fisher has so much confidence in Vince Young he picked up 5 white kids from the local high school all-star game to play as his receivers this year.
lions (-3) over FALCONS
If someone farts in the Georgia Dome and nobody is there to smell it, did it actually happen? I think that’s the way Arthur Blank put this team together.
BILLS (-1) over SEAHAWKS
Nate Burleson is the Seahawks number 1 receiver this week. If anyone remembers when he was the vikings number 1 the year after trading Moss you know that Seattle is more vulnerable than a 14 year old boy at a NAMBLA convention.
SAINTS (-3) over the fuckinqueers
If anyone remembers the Saints first game back after Katrina it was a game won purely on emotion, and the fact that Michael Vick was playing for the other team. Well this time around it doesn’t seem Gustav packed the punch that all of America’s news channels were hoping for (natural disaster=big ratings) but I think the ESPN bull shit machine can artificially make this game seem like it has similar significance this time around.
rams (+8.5) over EAGLES
I have never liked Donovan Mcnabb, not sure why, I never cared enough to really dig into my soul and ask the question though. Here is one reason though, his receivers always suck. I think the Rams have an improved pass rush and will disrupt DSmack enough to change the game. Bet the under here as well, these teams are about as exciting as watching childhood videos of people you have never met before.
cowboys (-6) over BRWONS
Tony Romo is an idiot, obvious by his choice of female companionship, he is also headed down the road of taking the “Mr. Attention” tag from Brett Favre. Anytime you date someone who tips off paparazzi on here whereabouts and talks to her father more often than she talks to you, you’re looking for media attention. However, I think Tony will make the Browns regret the fact that they didn’t upgrade their secondary in the off-season to the tune of 4 TD’s.
cardinals (-2.5) over SAN FRANSISCO
If anyone caught last years Monday night double-header to open the season you saw the 20-17 snoozer that these two teams put up. It literally was the worst non-Bengal football game I saw last year. So what does the NFL, set em up again for a week 1 match up. If you actually bet on this game you have to get a recommendation for a therapist and go visit tomorrow after work…before the vikes game.
bears (+9.5) against the COLTS
Colts win, Bears make it semi-close. Mannings first game back, no Jeff Saturday, Marvin Harrison disappearing into anonymity and the Bears doing just enough. Will most likely be an extremely boring game.
RAIDERS (+3) over broncos
Who cares, you will probably be asleep for the second half anyway.
vikes (+2) over PACKERS
SOUND THE HORN BRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRR! Vikes injure Aaron Rodgers by removing his spleen through his nostrils rendering him lifeless. On the following Drive T-Jax connects with Sid the Kid on a bomb down the field and the Packers fans burn the Packer Front Office at the stake after the game in a not suitable for children execution.
ENJOY THE SEASON!
