Super Bowl Homeboy

In the words of the Common man Dan Cole “LETS PUMP IT UP, WE’RE COOOMIIINNN” that’s right the sound you hear is the bell tolling for the offseason…Training camp starts…RIGHT NOW.  I know all you third grade reading level Vikings fans, and the backwoods moonshine guzzling Packer fans have been discussing Brett Favre’s impact for weeks now “ooh brett favre could make the vikes a super bowl contender, ooh Brett Favre is gonna turn this thing around” and I say to all of you that are part of the 7 out of 10… the wind blowing exit doors of the metrodome are right over there because WE DON’T NEED YOU.

There are several issues facing the team this year, not the least of which is the distraction that Brett Favre has created on the eve of our 19 game winning streak.

1.)Will Bernard Berrian and sid the Kid turn out to be the new Millennium Stalworth and Swann?

2.) Has training with sprint cars improved Adrian Peterson’s speed?

3.) Has Darren Sharper lost the hunger to continue his quest to be the Millennium leader in interceptions?

4.) Will the vikings need to lose a game at some point so they don’t repeat the mistakes of the New England Patriots?

5.) Will the temptation of patron shots at Belanote derail the Jared Allen trade and give Peter King the ultimate “I told you so” boner he’s been waiting to stack Brad Childress’ throat with?

6.) Who is salivating over T-Jax bone crusher this season, and will she buy him something flashier than a spring break necklace from Daytona Beach ‘03?

7.) How will the release of Dwight Smith impact the safety of women blowing coke in back stairwells of Minneapolis night clubs?

8.) How will Zigmund Wilf not having to drive around Minneapolis after home losses impact the United States energy Crisis?

9.) How many pending paternity cases are there in the state of Minnesota after Brad Childress grew a goatee?  Will these cases be a distraction for the head coach?

10.) Do the Vikings play for 16-0 against the Giants like the Patriots of 2007, or focus on the playoffs?  I’m not sayin, I’m just sayin.

To all who endured the love boat, the Mike Tice Era, the 2005 draft class, and the kick ass offense…our time has come.  Rise from your couches, spike the nearest infant on its soft spot, and in honor of our all mighty leader even fake moon the little bastard like your at Lambeau Field….THIS IS OUR TIME!  THIS… is our country.