Oct 29 2008
Morning in Minnamerica
Super Bowl Pasadena Homeboy does not endorse politicians, but no matter what happens next Tuesday, it will mark a new day in America — and usher in some sunshine to the dark nights that have blanketed our nation. It is no coincidence that Brad Childress is at the helm for the largest breakdown in free-market capitalism since the age of Murderers Row.
Think about it. The country Brad Childress placed the keys to shiny new houses a National League Football team in the hands of a party in no way qualified to handle it — those with shitty credit Tarvaris Jackson. Meanwhile, greedy sons of bitches Childress mortgaged OUR future by peddling the false of hope of mortgage-backed securities a deep playoff run reliant on the oh so reliable foundation of subprime loans the least kick-ass offense in the history of football.
Ok, enough of that. Between the Vikings debacle and the apparent secret handshake between Gardy and Bradstache to apply the kick-ass offense for one night at US Cellular about a month ago, times have been tough for Minnesota sports fans. And of course, the Homeboy hood was shaken by the news that one of the few sports personalities in the state respected by SBHB ran into some personal demons that led to his departure from KFAN. Times are rough.
But oooooh oooh child the night is darkest just before the dawn.
WHY?
BOOM. Pasadena Brew has been crafting up his finest Oktoberfest for the Gopher Nation. Pasadena Homeboy realizes that the Rose Bowl relies on some unlikely bounces such as a win in Madison and a Buckeye loss at Champaign, but watch out because Pasadena Brew is capable of nearly any feat. Pasadena Brew will lower the world’s CO2 levels to 350 parts per billion, will eliminate our dependency on foreign oil while simultaneously ending the recession by creating industries that don’t yet exist while also solving the massive logjam in our nation’s highway funding by scrapping the gas tax in place of high speed bullet trains — ALL TO PASADENA. Pasadena Brew will hold a summit the day before the Rose Bowl in which he welcome the new President and the heads of state of Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Russia, Georgia, North and South Korea, Venezuela, Zimbabwe, Sudan, China and Canada (just to make Canadians feel good about themselves) and will single-handedly solve world peace by unleashing the transcendent beauty of his 38-3 win over USC.
Pasadena Brew is not of us, but he walks amongst us. I would recommend taking whatever scraps are left in between your mattress - and the faux box of Parliaments you keep on your dresser to fool mattress robbers in these harsh times - and double it all down on Pasadena Brew and the Pasadena over against the Wildcats of Northwestern this Saturday.
Homecoming indeed.
Meanwhile, Nordy lost the first game of his life tonight to the team whose name still does not exist. However, due to Nordys not being present at said loss, researchers are still determining whether Nordy’s invincibility is still in tact.
Homeboy fave Justin Gaard is increasingly rockin’ the airwaves with his svelte positive vibe.
AND HEY!! FRANCHISE JEFFERSON AND THE PUPS ARE COMIN OUT!