Super Bowl Homeboy

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These headlines are amongst the “Most Read” for Star Tribune stories on the Minnesota Timberwolves:

Wolves trying the wide angle

The Timberwolves, along with lots of other NBA teams, are trying width instead of height with their inside players.

Subs’ success no balm; coach upset at starters

Scoring hasn’t been Miller’s priority with Wolves, yet

NBA hands Telfair a three-game suspension

Can’t handle the pain?  Can’t stomach a knee injury?

Vikings fans can handle it.  And then we — Pump. It. Up.

REMEMBER THIS????

AND THEN WE PUMPED IT UP.

NOW WE HAVE T-JAX NURSING A KNEE. Can you PUMP IT … Super Bowl Homeboy?

A little treat for your eyes and ears:

photo credit: mrhayata

It’s been a long-short week, yes?  Nothing a little massaging can’t take care of.

New York Giants win!
I will never acknowledge Eli Manning as a good quarterback.

Vikings open season on Monday night!
I’m a little pissed that we got the early game.  But then again, I like to go to bed at a reasonable hour.

Jared Allen!
I’m giving J.A. the month of September to break the sack record, and then get arrested driving drunk with a bottle of Grain in the passenger seat.  Seal it.

Predictions:

• Lions destroy Falcons in the only winnable game for either team this year
• Cincinnati locks up the Ravens in the Prison Battle
• Buffalo Bills skin the Seahawks, except Hasselbe/ack who has already been scalped

photo credit: mr.l

• Favre beats Pennington and the J-E-T-S win
• Chiefs ‘n’ Chopper!!! lose to Patriots
• New Orleans will recover from Gustav and deliver an emotional, heart-wrenching, patriotic, brave, selfless, classy, benevolent, caring victory over the Bucs
• Philly Cheese Steak and the Eagles win
• Big Beeeeennnnnn Spitsbergen lays the Steel on the Tex
• Titan A.E. over the JAGs

photo credit: greefus groinks

• Scott Stapp rules
• America’s Team drill, baby, drills the the Browns
• San Diego electrifies the Panthers
• 49ers over Leinert’s Cardinals

photo credit: Hot Rod Homepage

• Colts trample the Bears
• Oakland takes the Broncos

YOU MIGHT THINK I MISSED ONE?  YES?

GUESS AGAIN.

Similar to the “The Common Man” Dan Cole I have a very esoteric approach when it comes to generating my opinions. I typically will read a quick snippet that many would consider “preliminary information” but I take as a healthy dose of data, formulate some made up stuff to bridge the gap in my head and jump straight to a conclusion. Fuck reading, its 2008 and I’ve got a you tube video of two red necks pile driving each other into a stack of tables in their back yard that I want to watch. I say this as a disclaimer because my newest opinion is this…the good times many are feeling over these Beijing Olympics are sure to come to a screeching halt thanks to all of our favorite scape goats… Terrorists. I don’t know what kind of terrorist; they have so many chapters these days it’s like the sociopath’s equivalent to joining a sorority so you can fit in your freshman year of college (I know what your thinking…I’m being redundant, most sorority girls I knew in college were sociopaths as well). However, I have narrowed it down to three types thanks to my extensive research on the topic.

1.) Rouge Tibetan Freedom Hippies: These are the people that never let the music die after the final Tibetan Freedom Concert in 2001. Though commonly believed to be a peaceful group, a large splinter cell fell off the grid around 2003 and were last seen setting up machine gun turrets in western Montana. These idiots are so jaded that their stupid hippy fest didn’t stop China’s oppression of the poor helpless monks they are out for blood. Blame it on a few shitty pot brownies, or a bad acid trip circa the Y2K scare, but these mother fuckers will stop at nothing to save those head shaving, meditation loving, Budah worshipers…I guess the Dali Lama didn’t get the message that sitting inside of a tank will get you a lot further than sitting in front of one…maybe he should consider bringing Vladimir Putin into his inner circle.

2.) Slave Laborers: I read a quote from a really famous anonymous author once that said “Can’t nobody take my pride, can’t nobody hold me down. Oh no I gotta keep on movin.” I heard that many of the Chinese slave laborers have taken these words to heart and are ready for an uprising. What better place to rise against your oppressive government than when the 1080P High Def lenses of NBC are pointed straight at Tiananmen Square? I would say these guys have the biggest gripe of all groups, they could work for a month an still not have enough money to pay for a decent hand job in the seediest parts of Beijing. If they take to the streets I’m cheering for one of these guys to impale Bob Costas…if only we could throw Nick Faldo in front of them.

3.) Al Qaeda: I haven’t looked at a map of this region lately but I’m pretty sure these guys are close enough to China that they could fart in their cave and someone could smell it over Chinese air space. Obviously people are still debating whether or not Al Qaeda is real, or something that the US Government is using to cover up a massive world domination plot started by the Bush Administration. However, I can’t make a list of terrorist groups without including the Jihadiest mother fuckers on the planet.

I know this might scare children, and even might leave some adults with a clenched sphincter. However, you can take solace in one fact…if you are reading this right now you are likely out of harms way, because the Chinese Government Firewall would surely stop information like this from reaching anyone within 1000 miles of Beijing.

photo credit: timsamoff

The NFL is going to kick out unruly fans.

photo credit: dengski

I must repent: for about five minutes last night I was talking about Brett Favre coming to the Vikings.

But this is pretty hilarious: Brett sent out this text message to Ed Werder:

“My intentions have been to play, and with Green Bay,” Favre told Werder. “They say no, so I still want to play in this division for obvious reasons, which I made clear to management. If they won’t let me play in Green Bay, let me play against you. That’s where I am.

Sounds like another sport people like …

photo credit: static